This is How to Break
by xDelfin
Summary: xDelfin: Filling your eyes with tears. Filling your heart with sorrow. Filling you with hurt. "Hit me again." AkuRoku. / Axel x Roxas / Yaoi. One-shot. Rated T. ξήζσγ


_**xDelfin

* * *

**_

Axel was a big fat flirt.

Roxas sat in the dark living room, absently flipping through 3AM infomercials. He had the Magic Bullet, Turbo Jam gave him a headache, and he hadn't cooked since 2004; any sort of ware designed for his baking use would not be 'smart.' The dark red cloth of the sofa rubbed against his head as he slouched for the hundredth time that day. Footsteps approached the front door, then keys in the lock.

They greeted each other with a look. It wasn't a very warm look, but it was more of a 'confirmation that both of them were in the room now' look. Axel took off his jacket and hung it in the closet. "Have you been watching TV this whole time?" When he left earlier that day, Roxas was in the same position.

"No," he said shutting off the TV.

"Why don't you go out once in a while? Get a job," he crouched down to put his shoes away, "get a life."

Roxas shot up from the couch. "I had a life." He retorted. "Did you forget why we live like this?"

"No, dearest." He walked into the small area designated as their kitchen, the half wall separating it from the back of the couch. He poured himself a glass of orange juice. "I just don't see why you have to be stuck in the apartment all day, that's all." Was he trying to get rid of him or something?

"Is there a reason why you don't want me here?" Roxas appeared behind him leaning on the island, arms crossed. Roxas only stayed home in case Axel got off work early.

Axel slowly swallowed the mouthful of juice, looking at him sternly. "I'm not saying that."

"Well then what are you saying?" He knew _exactly_ what Axel was saying. Even though he paid for the apartment with his trust fund, Axel still saw him as a burden; something holding him back from a better life he could have been having 'while he's still young.'

Axel calmly put the empty glass into the sink. "Nothing," he said softly. "I'm not saying a thing." Roxas watched him with a narrow gaze as he passed him to go to their room. He then rolled up his sleeves and washed the discarded glass. When he got to the bedroom, Axel was taking off his work shirt. He saw the blazer hanging on the chair, and he went to put it in the closet. But when he picked it up, his nose wrinkled.

"Were you drinking?" He looked at Axel, pointing the jacket at him accusingly.

"I had a couple of drinks at the bar, what's the big deal?"

"You told me you were going out with a couple of guys at the company for dinner."

"And you don't think guys wanna get something to drink after they eat?" Roxas didn't respond. Instead he felt around the offending garment. "What are you doing?" He didn't stop. "Rox-."

"Aha!" He pulled out a napkin. "What's _this_?" And everything went to hell.

"'_Axel. Had a great night. Gimme a call next time. xoxo Namine.'_ Now what does that sound like?" He crumpled the napkin as put his hands on his hips. "I dunno about you but Namine sure sounds like a girl who wants some more!" Roxas quickly turned hysterical. "Lemme tell ya, you sure picked a good one. Look at her cute little handwriting. Wild guess: she's an artist. Here's an idea, why don't you pose for her? That is, if you can hold still long enough!" He abandoned restraint. He'd had enough of this. Roxas could hear himself, and it didn't make much sense to him either, but it had to be said. He had to speak. He had to say something (no matter how insane) to get into that thick skull of Axel's.

Axel fumed. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. So why don't you just shut up?"

"Oh I know what I'm talking about. Just like I know about Kairi, Yuna, Selphie!"

"You went through my stuff?" Axel hissed but Roxas just kept going.

"You sure like the girls, Ax. Makes me wonder what the hell you're doing with me!"

"Honestly, I don't even know anymore!" Green eyes pierced him. For once... he just wished Axel would deny all of it, take him in his arms, and say that he only loved him. Sometimes he wished for that sick-natured fantasy where it was only the two of them that mattered and whatever problems befell them, they could face because they were together. It was sickly sweet to even think of, but it sure as hell had to be better than living like _this_. But it never happened and Axel never denied any of it.

Roxas held back tears. "Then why don't you just move out?" He screamed to avoid his throat from closing up. "Why don't you just take your all secrets, all your pathetic lies and all your shit," he whipped the blazer at him, "and find someone else to go home to?"

"You know what? Maybe I will! Then maybe I won't have to deal with someone constantly asking me where I am going, who I'm going with and when I'm coming back, like I'm a friggin golden retriever. Maybe I'll live with someone who respects me and doesn't go through my shit and actually trusts me!" He shouted and started to get dressed again.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He walked up to the redhead. "Good luck trying to find someone who can put up with you better _and longer _than me! We'll see if your life is any better without me to look after your sorry ass!" Roxas stood on his toes to put as little space between their eyes as possible.

Axel paused to look thoughtful. "It's all uphill from here!" He side-stepped the blond to get to the door but Roxas grabbed a hold of his collar and shoved him with all his strength.

"Fuck you! You heartless bastard! I hate you so much!" Roxas shook the older man by the front of his shirt back and forth between how loose the shirt was, to Roxas' fists on the broad man's chest. Roxas still fighting to hold onto his tears, he bowed his and shouted to the beige carpet, "Just get out of here! Go out there and whore yourself out for all I care!" Axel snapped and raised his arm, hard. A loud slap echoed throughout the apartment and Roxas fell back to the ground, his nails starting to claw into the coarse fibres on either sides of him.

Wide blue eyes stared at Axel, who looked just as surprised. Roxas made no move to get up, body still shaky and breathing harder. He felt his heart break at that moment; with tears filling his eyes and Axel watching. The man stepped forward "Roxas…"

"Go," he said softly, but with distinct cracks in his voice. "Hit me again. That's all you wanted me for from the very beginning, isn't it?" He met Axel's eyes for but a split second then bowed his head once more. "Taking out your feelings on; anger, pain…_pleasure_?" he whispered.

"That's not true!" Axel protested but Roxas just shook it off and laughed mirthlessly. He was beyond those kinds of words now.

"Just leave." Roxas' voice went stale.

"Why do you have to act like this? Like some other person?" Axel sighed, gritting his teeth. He shook his head in annoyance. "Look I'm sorry." He knelt down in front of Roxas, but the boy just looked away. "But you make it so difficult to talk to you." Roxas scowled at the floor rug.

"Did you touch any of them?"

"No," he said confidently.

"Did you _want_ to?" Axel look went cold. He didn't answer. Roxas looked at him with shock. But he held his tongue. Instead he narrowed his eyes and frowned harshly with disgust. _You fucking flirt. You've got a guy at home and you don't even care._ "You make me sick. Just get out of here."

"Roxas…"

"I don't want to see your face!" he spat. Axel left the bedroom muttering a 'fine.' Roxas heard the front door slam shut and all-out _screamed_. He screamed with the intensity of an atomic bomb. He screamed as hard as he could, long after his throat became raw. His cries were released from months and months of restriction, along with shouts and yells of bitter anguish. He didn't care that it was nearly four in the morning; Roxas pounded the floor with clenched fists.

Stupid Axel.

He was going to get him back for this. And then he'll see how much Roxas was really worth. By this time, the boy could not sit still. He had to go out. Do something. Just like Axel wanted him to, right?

* * *

Roxas knocked on the large, wooden door, sure to wake up the man on the other side. There was no turning back now. The breaking of the silence of the street ensured that. Adrenaline forcing its way through his veins, he transferred it to the little-less-than-violent rapping on the door.

His heart pumped madly, a mixture of the ferocious walk to that very stoop, pent-up anger towards his certain 'roommate,' and sheer excitement of what he was planning to do. (What he really had planned to do long ago for these exact circumstances.)

Nearly ten minutes later, the door of the semi-detached building opened, revealing a tall man with a severe case of bed-head. He looked reasonably annoyed, but it faded with his recognition of the blond rouse.

Roxas looked into the fierce light past sleep in the man's eyes. "Are you still fighting with my brother?" The tired man visibly woke up a little more at that, being suddenly aware of what Roxas was there for. He didn't answer, but instead, remained still at the doorway and letting the blond in.

Roxas crossed the threshold.

And connected their lips the instant Riku shut the door.

* * *

Roxas sat cross-legged on his spot on the bed, fidgeting with the corner of his (and Axel's) duvet. Most of the feathers had been pumped out over the years. They'd have to get a new one.

The bedroom door opening, admitting another person made him look up. "You're back."

"Yeah." Silence was thick between these simple exchange of words.

"We need to talk."

"I think we should too."

"No secrets. No lies. Just the truth." Axel sat on his side of the bed; facing the room much like was Roxas beside him. "I had sex with Riku yesterday." He said this with no life in his voice or eyes. Straight face as if this whole episode had been too surreal to take in even as of then.

Axel's breath hitched. That had affected him. Roxas having sex with someone else? That struck more cords than he thought. Then again, Larxene was no different. _The truth._ "I slept with someone else last night too." Roxas nodded mechanically, silently deciding to cut to the chase.

"Axel, do you love me?" He looked at him, deep in the eyes, for the first time since the fight, but what really felt like in months, _perhaps even years._.. he admitted, sadly. Axel reciprocated the locking of their eyes.

"Yes." He said simply and honestly.

Roxas looked at the blanket in front of him. "Do you still…want me in your life?" He was nearly very scared to hear the answer.

Axel whispered. "Yes." But Roxas knew what that kind of answer meant. It meant that he'd still be fawning after girls he'd meet at the bar. It meant that he'd still be looking at other men on his way to work. It meant that even though there was a constant love in Axel's heart _for_ Roxas… nothing would change.

"Okay." Roxas nodded to himself. He turned to his 'lover' smoothly and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Then he turned to his side of the bed and lay down silently. He was broken.

He made this choice a long time ago. Roxas ran away from home to be with the man of his dreams, believing that this person would change his life dramatically. He ran away from structure, stability and his whole life's plan for love. He was willing to do that for Axel, so he put his heart and soul into this lifestyle for the past five years. _Nothing would change._

Axel broke him severely.

But there was a difference between being broken and being broken with Axel. And that was what helped him sleep that night and would help for many nights after. Fat, juicy tears escaped his eyes, but they weren't out of sadness and grief. In actuality, he didn't know what they were there for. And yet the strong arm that made its way around his waist made it… alright.

* * *

_**Property of Disney and Squeenix.**_  
_**Happy Axel Day! He's a bastard here~! lol**_  
_**I know it was so angsty. It was rather relieving for me, though..**_  
_**Tell me what you think ~**_

_**Your Humble Servant**_  
_**xDelfin **_


End file.
